I know some people prefer to have their children a certain number of years apart. Some like them spaced by 2 years, others 4. We all know a few that seem to be born really close together and others who have siblings in varied ranges. I used to entertain the idea of having my children 2-3 years apart. My idea was to not have 2 in diapers at the same time, or at least not for very long.
That was before I had my daughter last year.
Since then, I’ve thought more and more about spacing and no longer want them far apart! I want her to have a fun little playmate.. I want an excuse to buy more cloth diapers.
I don’t want to get stressed out and depressed over when the next baby will come.
I’m very thankful to have our daughter, who is now 9 months old, but she was 3 years in the making. Due to my cycle not being regular, it was hard to know when I was ovulating. Sometimes I wouldn’t ovulate for 4 months! Trying for our daughter was very emotional. I had a preconceived notion of how long it should take. This differed greatly from reality. And of course, as we tried and got tested (trying to figure out why we weren’t succeeding) we had friends and family asking about it.
When are you going to have a baby? Aren’t you trying yet? You’re not trying hard enough!
While some remarks were in jest, they still hurt. I was never so confused and in my emotions as when I was trying to conceive. During those 3 years it wasn’t hard to make me cry either. I’d cry if someone asked me why I wasn’t pregnant yet. I’d cry if someone else got pregnant without trying. I’d cry if someone insisted I hold their new baby.
Just as I started to give up hope that we could conceive on our own, we had our first positive pregnancy test! I was relieved that I didn’t need to start doing any fertility drugs or other procedures since testing never concluded that anything was “wrong.” I’m hoping my daughter jogged my body’s memory on what it is supposed to do. Now that I’m 30 (eek!) I don’t want to go through another 3 years of attempts to have our second child. I’m unsure when to start trying again. We discussed trying again when our daughter is a little over a year old, but I’m feeling the pressure of the clock.
But I’m also scared. I don’t want to go through that emotional roller coaster again. Though, I hope I wouldn’t be as depressed since we do have our daughter. It was the prospect of no children that really messed with my emotions before (and the thought of the long, draining process of adoption).
I now wonder how often the aspect of how long it takes to conceive goes into other people’s family planning process. Do you try to plan out spacing? What factors do you consider?
Darcy is a married, stay-at-home mother of one curious little girl. When she’s not playing peekaboo or singing Patty Cake, she’s busy writing at Tales From the Nursery where she shares her honest and personal experiences in parenting, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and products for the family.