When to Try for Another Baby?

When is best to try for a new baby?New Baby

I know some people prefer to have their children a certain number of years apart. Some like them spaced by 2 years, others 4. We all know a few that seem to be born really close together and others who have siblings in varied ranges. I used to entertain the idea of having my children 2-3 years apart. My idea was to not have 2 in diapers at the same time, or at least not for very long.

That was before I had my daughter last year.

Since then, I’ve thought more and more about spacing and no longer want them far apart! I want her to have a fun little playmate.. I want an excuse to buy more cloth diapers.

I don’t want to get stressed out and depressed over when the next baby will come.

I’m very thankful to have our daughter, who is now 9 months old, but she was 3 years in the making. Due to my cycle not being regular, it was hard to know when I was ovulating. Sometimes I wouldn’t ovulate for 4 months! Trying for our daughter was very emotional. I had a preconceived notion of how long it should take. This differed greatly from reality. And of course, as we tried and got tested (trying to figure out why we weren’t succeeding) we had friends and family asking about it.

When are you going to have a baby? Aren’t you trying yet? You’re not trying hard enough!

While some remarks were in jest, they still hurt. I was never so confused and in my emotions as when I was trying to conceive. During those 3 years it wasn’t hard to make me cry either. I’d cry if someone asked me why I wasn’t pregnant yet. I’d cry if someone else got pregnant without trying. I’d cry if someone insisted I hold their new baby.

Just as I started to give up hope that we could conceive on our own, we had our first positive pregnancy test! I was relieved that I didn’t need to start doing any fertility drugs or other procedures since testing never concluded that anything was “wrong.” I’m hoping my daughter jogged my body’s memory on what it is supposed to do. Now that I’m 30 (eek!) I don’t want to go through another 3 years of attempts to have our second child. I’m unsure when to start trying again. We discussed trying again when our daughter is a little over a year old, but I’m feeling the pressure of the clock.

But I’m also scared. I don’t want to go through that emotional roller coaster again. Though, I hope I wouldn’t be as depressed since we do have our daughter. It was the prospect of no children that really messed with my emotions before (and the thought of the long, draining process of adoption).

I now wonder how often the aspect of how long it takes to conceive goes into other people’s family planning process. Do you try to plan out spacing? What factors do you consider?

Darcy is a married, stay-at-home mother of one curious little girl. When she’s not playing peekaboo or singing Patty Cake, she’s busy writing at Tales From the Nursery where she shares her honest and personal experiences in parenting, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and products for the family.

About Nicole

Nicole is the founder and creator of One Little Mister. She is a 27 year old photographer, blogger and mother to two amazing little boys. Her interests include photography, creative art, technology, social media, blogging, and finding great products and deals!

Comments

  1. It took us a year of trying before we conceived our first daughter. While that’s nothing compared to your three years or more that other couples have struggled through, I had a taste of the worry and days of despair, wondering if we would EVER have a child!
    I too was worried about how long it would take to conceive our second, We decided to leave it up to God and didn’t use any kind of birth control. We were pregnant again with our 2nd by the time our 1st was 10 months old. (I think there is some truth to the “resetting” your body idea. I’ve known several people who had a lot of trouble conceiving their first, but no trouble at all with the 2nd…and more!) :-)
    We love the closer spacing….I felt like it was plenty of time for my body to recover, but it is so much fun to have them so close in age, and we want to have a lot of kids, so it’s great to get them all in while I’m still young. :-)
    Our 2nd is now 10 months old, and I’m waiting to see what God has in store for us now. :-)
    If I were you, I would just relax, and take what comes to you….God knows what he’s doing and will give you exactly what you need!

  2. we have four, all of them are 19-23 months apart….
    I wanted mine close, I figured it would be better to be exhausted for 7 or 8 straight years then to space it out over longer! ha! Because both me and the hubs came from families of 4, we knew we wanted a large family…and I have one sister who’s 3 years older than me, but my little sister and bro are 8 and 10 years younger, and the gap shows. I’m just now starting to be close with them, not that I don’t love them, but I moved out when my bro was 7, what did we have in common? nothing…
    of course, no way is the right way…that was just my plan, and so far it worked…
    and honestly, one of the other reasons they’re so close together is that I love babies…I get horrible baby lust…I have it right now, and I think the only reason we haven’t started trying yet is due to Brooke’s developmental delays-I’ve had my “baby” longer…
    Good luck babe…there’s really no *right* time…as you know I bet…

  3. I always thought I wanted 2 boys, 3 years apart. That’s not going to happen. So I’ll take them as life gives them to me. Not 18 kids though. ;o) I’ll stop at 4 if it comes to that.

  4. Thanks ladies :) We conceived my daughter when I stopped worrying, so I think I’ll try and leave that off right away next time!

  5. Rhiana Wackenhuth says:

    We’ve been trying for baby #5 for 14 mos now, and unfortunately I have been on clomid and HCG injections and this last month, estrogen and progesterone on top of all of that. 4 failed cycles later and we will be moving onto IUI maybe in December. I am giving myself time to process this and figure everything out. I am 34, so I am a little older than you, but I’ve never had issues getting pg in the past. This is all such a hard blow to me, I don’t know how to deal with it sometimes.

    I’d say that if you wanted another child, ttc right away, because you just don’t know how long it will take!

    Much luck!
    Rhiana

  6. What is you just say- your not trying and just keep practicing- less stress and then it will be a surprise when it does happen….Don;t let you stress you out this time- its suppose to be fun…My kids are 13 months apart and I LOVE IT- they play well together and watch out for each other and help each other…when they get too far apart- they dont want the other playing in their room or playing with their stuff- the closer the better- keeps them together…
    Just know your not alone with the stress part- we have 5 miscarriages before we were able to have a son- thats why we started trying quickly after incase it took us a long time- but it ddint -hopefully it wont take you a long time either- good luck

  7. Hubby and I were not trying at all when we got pregnant..we barely knew each other. So now that he’s 3 and we know we can do this parenting thing, we have been trying for over a year to get baby #2. We figured when my IUD fell out (yeah it did!) that we would be pregnant in weeks!! This has been quite an adjustment. We are trusting that God has a plan (boy is still in diapers…) and that He knows when we should have another baby, but it’s totally ruining our plan!!! Haha!!

  8. I always knew I wanted absolutely no more than 3 years between kids, preferably less. My brother & I are 3 years apart which was great but hubby and his older brother are 9 years apart so we definitely wanted them to be closer than that. We talked about trying this summer so that DD and her sibling would be at least 2 years apart. After 3 months, we got our wish and the newbie will be here in April (27-month age difference). As someone said before, this may not work for you & your family. You just have to evaluate if the timing is right for another one and go from there :)

  9. Amanda Boerst says:

    I always wondered if I’d be able to get pregnant at all since it took my mom 11 years to have me. My husband and I finally got pregnant with our son after trying for a year and a half after a miscarriage at 10 weeks. It was easy to get pregnant the first time because, well we weren’t planning it and I had regular cycles. After the miscarriage however my cycles were never regular. Oddly enough they are regular again after giving birth. I can definitely relate with the crying especially when someone got pregnant and they weren’t trying. I thought it wasn’t fair but then finally we got those two pink lines! After I saw the positive test I actually said out loud “oh shut up!” when I showed it to my husband he said “well it’s about &#@*&^ time!” haha! But now that my son is almost 6 months old I too wonder when we should try again. I am an only child and I’ll admit sometimes it was lonely when I was little so I knew I wanted more then one child. But when? I had to have an emergency c-section with my son and I’ve been told I should wait anywhere from 6 months to 2 years before trying again. I think for now we’re not trying but we both agree if it happens that’s just fine with us. Plus I figure my body will know when it’s ready.

  10. My husband (17 years my senior) and I agreed when I quit birth control that we wouldn’t take “extreme” measures to get pregnant. It would either happen or it wouldn’t. It took us a year to conceive our baby girl (also 9 month old)–the month I had really become okay with the idea of never being a mom was the month I got pregnant. In fact, I was prepared to talk about going back on birth control with my dr at my annual appointment–which turned out to also be the first pre=natal appointment.

    And we agreed right away that I wouldn’t go back on birth control afterward. It took us a year to conceive her. It might take longer to get #2 in the oven–or it might not happen, or I might already be pregnant. I’m still taking pre=natal vitamins (when I remember them), just in case. Que sera sera.

  11. I tried for 4 years with my ex fiance…. NOTHING.. I wasn’t planning on having children, had settled into a life figuring I would never be a mother when I met my husband…. 4 weeks later I am pregnant without believing it. We decided when our daughter was 4 months to try again and got pregnant right away. It took us 11 months of trying for our 3rd and just found out we are pregnant with number 4. Our older 2 are 13 months apart, middle and youngest are 25 months apart and then youngest and new baby will be almost 26 months apart. While it is crazy at times having them so close it is great to see them play together (we have 3 girls) and right now are down to only 1 in diapers. The way I look at it is closer together means having them out of diapers and being able to help themselves to a snack sooner and all together rather than having a self sufficient child and bring a baby in. It was weird because we tried so soon for our second thinking our first was a fluke.

  12. It took us 3.5 years to conceive our son. After many fertility treatments we got pregnant with him completely on our own and went on to have a very healthy pregnancy and baby. And when my son was 14 months old we got the 2nd shock of our lives with a positive pregnancy test, without trying, we were actually avoiding pregnancy (not well obviously lol). I was scared after having my son of having to go through infertility again and I did not want to relive those feelings and I am so thankful that God knows what he is doing and blessed us with a surprise baby. I hope the 2nd time around is much easier for you. HUGS

  13. I saw your post on FF and just wanted to say hey, I “know” your blog :) You are always very helpful to me, thank you!!! xoxo
    kimberlydax

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  1. [...] [Continue reading at One Little Mister] Posted by Darcy on September 22, 2011 Categories » Conception, Life After Baby, Preparation For New Baby Tags » family planning, guest post, one little mister, spacing, trying to conceive Tweet [...]

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